Suya is not just food. It’s an experience. A lifestyle. A spiritual calling. The moment the mallam hands you that warm nylon, your self-control disappears. All your plans to “just take small” will scatter immediately. Suya demands speed. It demands focus. It demands respect.
Let’s break down why Suya finishes faster than any other Nigerian food on earth.
1. The Aroma Alone Weakens Your Knees
Before you even taste it, the smell has already started doing you.
You’ll tell yourself, “I’ll wait till I get home.”
Lie.
Before you cross the next street, you’ve already opened the nylon.
2. You Can’t Eat Suya Slowly — It’s Impossible
Try it.
Try chewing gently.
Try eating one piece at a time.
You can’t.
Once your teeth touch that spicy, smoky meat, your brain switches to auto-pilot:
“Eat fast before it finishes!”
3. The Yaji Will Make You Disgrace Yourself
The pepper mix (yaji) is the real villain and hero at the same time.
It enters your tongue with confidence and you continue eating like your mouth is fireproof.
The funniest part?
The more it burns, the more you eat.
4. Suya With Kpomo or Kidney? Game Over
If the mallam is one of those ones that do:
beef suya
chicken suya
gizzard suya
kidney suya
kpomo suya
You’re finished.
You’ll spend the whole evening buying “just one more.”
5. The Nylon Always Gets Empty Faster Than You Expect
You will be walking and smiling, enjoying life, licking pepper, and before you blink:
Nylon is empty.
Not one piece left.
You’ll check again like magic should bring more out.
Still empty.
6. Suya Is the Reason “Let Me Just Taste” Is Dangerous
If someone tells you, “Let me taste small,”
Just know you’ve lost 40% of your portion instantly.
Nobody tastes suya.
They collect inheritance.
7. Suya Will Make You Go Back for Round Two
You’ll buy ₦1,500.
Finish it.
Tell yourself you’re okay.
Two minutes later, you’re turning back to the mallam like:
“Abeg add ₦500 meat join.”
Suya controls you.
You don’t control it.
FINAL VERDICT
Suya is the undisputed champion of foods that finish too fast.
No matter how much you buy, it’s never enough. One bite and you’re already planning the next round.
